Tutorial Transcript

Salut youtube I am here with some expat comedians like actual professional comedians so this is going to be the funniest video that you've ever seen on this channel no pressure right my name is Sarah Donnely I'm American I've been living in Paris for almost six years and I have a 16 month-old daughter so I thought that I would be mommy yes and my name is Amber and I'm English and I have a 4 year old son and I thought I'd be mummy. And how long have you been living in Paris? oh nearly 17 years - certified! and so you're thinking that you were gonna be mummy but you have obviously become maman and it didn't exactly work out like that. As you guys can probably get the hint the reason that I've got these two on here is because there's something that I don't know much about yet which is becoming a mother or a parent in France where as these two do know a bit about it, so much so they've actually created a comedy show a stand-up comedy duo show based on this concept called becoming maman where can they find it by the way? Well first of all we're definitely on Facebook facebook.com slash becoming maman on Instagram at becoming maman we do a lot of content there and we have a podcast called becoming maman also I'll leave all of the links down below you guys can go check it out if you are in Paris or if you know anyone in Paris I mean you guys can't hype yourself but I'll hype for you they're hilarious so differently ten out of ten would recommend so we've put together a list of things that we wish we had known before we became maman in Paris specifically. Becoming maman is a difficult decision you're never sure like should I have a baby you know is it the right time to have a baby and to that we have to say no no no there's never a right time. There's never a time in your life where you're like I have all this extra money what should I do with it yeah or like there is never a right time when you're like oh my god I'm sleeping so well I need to wake up more early and there's never a time you're like wow I have such an amazing sex life with my husband what should I do? I know! Have a baby! So in that sense there can't really be a wrong time either so you may as well just go for it but that's the thing in Paris although there is not the right time there is a wrong time to have a baby in Paris. Tell us more? Yeah well you know it's all about planning you know because you shouldn't have a baby in August no don't have the baby in August no one's here in August if you have a baby in August you're gonna be delivering it yourself everyone has gone on holiday so if you decide to go to the south of France however and want to deliver your baby on a beach there will be plenty of midwives and doctors there! So August is out. Well, any holidays really and there's a lot of holidays in France! Skip the holidays you know ski holiday that's not good Christmas no no no and also don't be pregnant at Christmas you won't be able to eat anything foie gras oysters champagne wine salad yep yeah exactly September's not ideal because that's when everyone has their baby right so it's tough to get a spot in the maternity but why has everyone had their baby? Because Christmas is 9 months' earlier Everyone has a Christmas drink. The ideal time to have a baby is sort of May June because you want that baby to be three months old by the time the rentrée in September rolls around so you can get that baby a spot in the crèche yes because otherwise you won't get one. And you can't control these things either but you better try? Yep, you've gotta do your best. I did not and I had a baby in October Horrible Time! Terrible! What were you thinking? I just thought I want to have a baby oh yeah no. Fool! The second thing we wanted to talk about is when you have a baby in Paris you get a long list of things you need to bring to the maternité Which is the place where you go to have a baby? Yes it is the baby hospital it's actually a really nice Hospital where you only have babies yes and they prepare you you know they give you a big list of stuff you're gonna need and they divide it into two columns like stuff for the baby stuff for the maman, lots of stuff, so much stuff, I actually called Amber when I got this I was like I DON'T KNOW what these words mean! It's vocabulary you've never heard of - what is a gigoteuse?! Noone knows what that is until they've had a baby because it's only for babies yes like a little sort of sleep sack. Oh that's cute! The other thing about the maternity list is that they're very strict and they want you to bring like a carry-on size suitcase but the list they've provided you with is so long! Like I can't get this in a carry-on no I had like three bags, I moved into the hospital, we brought furniture! So much stuff! But despite this there were things that we forgot, things that we really wish we would have had and that they had told us to bring that they just didn't hmm so the first thing you need to bring to the maternity we wish we had known was diapers... not for the baby. We won't go into reasons why because maybe you and the viewers out there would like to have children so we'll draw a veil Yeah but just know you will be wearing diapers for the second time in your life. the thing that I really wish that I brought to the maternity was a hand mirror yeah yeah because I had an episiotomy it happens, the doctors working you know he's giving me stitches and it seemed to take a long time and he's like yeah it's fine madam just relax and I was like it's taking quite a while and then I wanted to see his handy work like I wanted to check that out you know it'd been a kind of devastating event going on and I wanted to see, it's a pretty precious area you're not sure that it's all good well in the end I have to ask the Midwife to bring one along I felt like I was in the hairdresser and she's like.. Because childbirth can be traumatic it's like surviving a car crash and we want to see the wreckage afterwards - what is left? What am I going to be working with? And how was it Amber? He did a great job! Nice and neat! Here's the one thing that people think they need to bring food in the maternité but they actually don't. There's this myth, well not a myth, it's true hospital food can be disgusting but for some reason at the hospital we gave birth at it was it was delicious! I literally took photographs of the food because we're in France! Going on Instagram! You're not taking photos of the baby. It was so good and I'm not just saying that because I hadn't slept in three days and had a newborn baby attached to my boob. Breakfast got me through the night you know and it's really really long you're tired and the baby's waking and you're just like oh so confused and you're just thinking mmmm breakfast and looking forward to lunch. My sister came in with loads of food and she's like I know the food's horrible and I was like get that out of here, the food is delicious! You'd never want to go home? I didn't! Not just because of the food but because you have this call button. You have special baby nurses in France the puericultrice and you just call the button and you're like the baby's crying! And they just come in day or night! So when you leave they're like "here's your baby, goodbye" and you're like "I'm not qualified!" And the last thing is I know Rosie's talked about this before French administration if you're a foreign person in France you've got a lot of admin you have to do with the French prefecture the French government well you would think it would be easier when you're doing it for a French person but it is not. That actually makes me feel so much better! Since having a baby I've realized that when you try and get something done at the prefecture your dossier will always be incomplete because you know French people's dossier starts before they're born. I know my son before he was born his dossier was like that and that's like I've got no chance of ever having a complete dossier French people's dossiers it's like a lifelong accumulation, so you're always gonna fail. So that should make you feel better it's true I had to bring her dossier I literally had to bring a folder it was this big I think my dossier has never been this big and she's not even out yet. One of the things they're really particular about was the blood type cards they were so obsessed they're like do you have your blood type card and I was like I know my blood type and they were like NO! And they told me that if you come to the maternity without your blood type card we're gonna send you home even if you're in labour they will send you home. I'm sorry ma'am the dossier is incomplete, please go home! They were obsessed with that particular piece of paper before the baby was born and then when you have a baby you have up to three days to declare the birth. Whereas in the US you get the birth certificate in the hospital, the baby's born they're like here's the baby it's born here's the certificate in France you have up to three days you have to go or send someone to the town hall to declare the birth and get the birth certificate. You've got to send someone on your behalf so you've got to really need to trust the person you send because they could just be like I just decided to name the baby Pikachu Wow that leads to a second point oh yes you can't name your baby Pikachu in France no you can't because the French are very strict about the names that the babies can have so there is a sort of official list there used to be an official list of names that doesn't exist anymore but if it's a crazy name they'll say no so if someone tried to name their child Fraise, strawberry, or Pikachu or Nutella, Nutella was a choice, and they said no You cannot name your baby a silly name - it's interdit (not allowed) Apparently if on day three you haven't decided on a name they apparently choose every day in France there's a saint associated with the day and so allegedly they just assign that Saints name to baby That's one way of doing it! So they take it very seriously. Part of me wishes I knew that and I just wouldn't have bothered because it's so hard choosing a name, you have to choose the name that works in English and French exactly and that you both like yeah but here's the thing so you do all this to get the birth certificate and birth certificates this is again serious business because it's not just a birth certificate it is a life certificate yes yes sir birth certificates you may have talked about this before they're only valid in France for three months and it's so strange you know in Britain with the birth certificate it's good for your whole life - funny that as you're born once! And that information is not gonna change and I'm currently trying to get French nationality so I need my birth certificate and it needs to be translated but within three months and then my son's birth certificate but within three months I keep having to write off and get new birth certificates which you know they're not expiring the whole time even though the information doesn't expire. But in France, the birth certificate, or as I like to call it, the life certificate they put all the major legal life events so the birth is obviously on there and your parents name and their jobs but then if you get PACS it goes on there if you get married you get divorced if you have kids so all these things so that's why they have to update it here so it does kind of make sense when you understand that. I feel a bit sorry for them actually having all of your life history on one page like imagine in the smaller towns like someone comes in for his fourth divorce and like hello again. Where should we add it? We're running out of space! Like a miserable life CV. Overall, I think it's been a wonderful experience having a baby in Paris or plutôt (rather) un bébé in Paris because you know if we didn't make it clear earlier both of our partners are French and so we're raising our kids in this bilingual, bicultural experience which is really cool especially because you know our kids speak great French my daughter only says two words her French is better than mine It's true it's amazing like having kids in France is so nice and I mean just amazing to hear my son speak such perfect French his accent is so good! I mean I'm impressed the whole time and I hear him talking like wow! He's a little French person, but you made him! He's my French person! It's amazing! Having a baby in France is a great thing you get so much great support so much great healthcare they really take care of mothers they really take care of babies an incredible support all along so before you're getting pregnant there's a lot of support for that in France and people that have problems getting pregnant there's so much stuff to help them and there's great sort of like health care all along the pregnancy, everything from six months is free so any medical costs all free so you know that's really great and then the aftercare amazing yeah not only for the babies, we came home and 24 hours later there is a midwife coming to the house to check on the baby and to check on me. Being in Paris is hard work but it definitely has some wonderful advantages especially when you have kids. And what about you guys have you been expats in France? Have you given birth here? Have you become parents here yourselves? Let us know down in the comments below what it's been like for you remember to go and check out these guys and see when to catch them live in person because as you've probably seen from the video they're a good time and they've got lots of funny stories to share! We have a lot more where this came from! Yeah exactly. thanks so much and I'll see you guys in the next video! A bientôt !